On the other hand, those many who now sell phonics, in every shape and color and price, help children to learn to sound out most words just fine, however, this method leads the children to no greater understanding of a word’s meaning than does sight-reading.

In the several years my wife and I spent teaching our children at home, we kept the definition that states, “It is only education if you learned something that you did not know before you started.” We tried, as time went by, to cut out of our homeschool those things that did not fit that definition.

Yes. We did teach our children to learn to read by the phonics method. We taught them phonics the way they did in the colonial days — using Scripture. But, if you phonics patriots would allow me a small infraction about what seems to be as sacred to some as the King James Bible today, we taught a bit of sight-reading also. That is, we taught them to recognize certain words that just somehow did not follow the consigned set of rules set down by phonics. Let me give you an example. Rules of vowel-consonant relationships in the phonics world teach that when at the end of a word the letter “e” follows a consonant, a vowel preceding that consonant shall have a long sound and that ending “e” shall be silent. This is a good and reliable rule in most cases; however, there are exceptions. And, what do you do with these exceptions? You have the child memorize these exceptions by “sight.” I found the same thing when I learned Spanish. There were the steadfast grammatical rules, and then there were exceptions. So you see, neither of these methods is fool proof. It might be said there is a proper time and place for the use of each.

Just as we find a deficit in those two methods, wherein they need each other, there is a bigger deficit in both methods that I wish to reveal. This deficit is that neither of these methods provides necessary instruction, for the most part, about word meaning. This bothers me, because when a child cannot understand the meaning of the words he is reading, he is not being educated. If it is supposed that he is to bring meaning to the words he reads, then the book becomes him instead of his learning from the book. Of what good use is this? There is no education there. Life is more than just an experience. A child can experience a book with pictures, but words are supposed to bring a greater dimension to his learning. If words did not have meaning there would be no use for dictionaries, but words do have meaning. These words mean something to each book’s author, and each author had the intention of conveying that meaning to the reader using those words. It would be a travesty for a child to ignore the author’s meaning and replace it with his own.

An ingenious device that has been introduced into our language is that of “root” meaning. This is an important key to understanding and to true education in reading. “Root” meaning brings to both phonics and sight-reading all the elements of reading and comprehension. A “root” is essentially that part of a word that is left when you remove the suffix and the prefix from a word. This part of the word tells the meaning in its Latin or Greek form. Most dictionaries derive word meanings from this root. Teaching your child root words will greatly enhance their self-comprehension of words. Your child will no longer ask you, “What does this word mean?” He will no longer struggle with how to pronounce words. A word will not stump him when you are not around. He will be a challenge to most students and adults in spelling.

There is a whole host of benefits in teaching your children root words, but unless you put root meaning into practice, and do it the correct way, it will not work for them. Real useful for putting roots to work would be to have or develop a list or chart of root words and their meanings. There are many ways to accomplish this, however, one of the simplest ways is to obtain a good root word dictionary. There are tools such as some common dictionaries as well as the Strong’s Concordance, for Greek roots, that are also good for this purpose.

Since root meaning is neither a method of bringing words to their meaning nor a means of concentration on pronouncing words alone, the goal is to learn roots so well that no word will be either a mystery or a challenge for your children. Unlike many word forms in the English language, root pronunciation is delineated very precisely within root word dictionaries. There is therefore no difference or question about the correct pronunciation of each root.

Looking in a root word dictionary at the word “precept,” we learned that it includes the root “capere,” the Latin verb meaning “to take.” When we added the prefix “pre,” which is the Latin word “prae” meaning “before” or “in front of,” we determined that a “precept” is a rule or principle that one takes in before doing something. Once our students began to remember that “cept” in a word, from capere, means “to take,” then it became simple to know the meaning of other words such as the word “concept.” Here the word “con” means “with.” So the word “concept” was quickly recognized to mean “to take along with.” Another example using Greek roots, was the word “philosophy.” The root word “philos” means “to love” or “love of.” The root “sophos,” derived from the name of the Greek philosopher Socrates, means “wisdom or knowledge.” Together these words form the meaning “the love of knowledge.”

Adding root word study to the beauty of phonics (and sometimes “see say”), instead of having to go to the dictionary to figure out the meaning to words they read, your children will be able to determine what words mean almost instantly. Their level of comprehension will become, to say the least, remarkable. Why not give your children a valuable gift by helping them cultivate the real root of reading.

In this crucial yet brief period of time, the father establishes his role as the spiritual leader of his home. He must strive to acquire at least the following seven skills, with God’s grace, to achieve effective spiritual leadership of his family.

One: A father must demonstrate contentment. That is, he must periodicaly take a break from urging his family to do better and just enjoy their accomplishments. Otherwise, a father that always expects more runs the risk of his family becoming discouraged and thinking that they can never do enough to please him. They will just stop trying. One case in point here is the father who tries to live vicariously through his son and pushes him to be a star player at soccor matches instead of using the sport to take advantage of its more redeeming lessons of goodsportsmenship, teamwork, fellowship, humility, and those things that are truly more important than being in the spotlight or winning.

Two: A father must humble himself. He must be aware of his capability to fail and must continually revisit when he has done so. This process can be used as a vital tool to keep from being critical of family members. He must show appreciation for his family. He must be quick to admit when he is wrong. This can be accomplished by remembering past failures and allows a father to view his childrens’ failures against that backdrop. This demonstrates to his family, perhaps more than any other way, both his need for them and his lack of pride in himself. It is important to remember, once again, that all the childrens’ eyes are upon the father.

Three: A father must learn to control his tongue and emotions. Harsh words do irrepairable damage to family members. They are like cancer and produce a growing variety of complicated reactions to a father’s spiritual leadership. It takes days, months, years to build a trusting realtionship and friendship with our cxhildren that will compete with their peers, however, this can be broken in an instant by a father who does not learn to control his tongue and emotions.

Four: A father must show good manners by meeting his family’s needs before his own. A father’s manners, or lack of them, will greatly influence the family’s behavior toward each other. I have seen the good effect, in both my family and others, where the mother directs an ill-mannered child to look at his father for appropriate behavior at the dinner table or elsewhere. Good manners and courteousness, when practiced by a father, tend to permeate through the whole family. One example might be for the father to open doors for the mother. Do this and witness how your children, both boys and girls, will play these roles in a like manner.

Five: A father must learn to accept each person in his family as he or she is. He must realize that each child grows and develops at his or her own rate. It would be non-productive to bring peer pressure on a child by comparing him or her to another – even a brother or sister. The standard by which you measure your children must be one that fits within the design and purpose of each individual child. God created each child, even before they were in the womb, for His own special purpose. The achievements they make must be measured then, not against other children, but rather against the design God has planted in them to do His good purpose. You can rest assured that God is growing each one in proportion to His design, and even though we cannot always see it, the work is being done. He will finish it in His own time.

Six: A father must learn to recognize a person’s worth and potential by finding each family member’s strong and weak points. He must emphasize the strong points and strengthen the weak points through training. He must be committed to the success of each member of his family and to God’s reputation. He must give his children the sense that they will be loved, whether they have done right or wrong. A father must realize that one time or another in their life his children will fail him, however, he must do all he can to prevent it. One way is to praise Godly character instead of just accomplishments.

Seven: A father must earn the right to be heard and not demand it of his family. Whereas, it is commanded by God for them to honor their father (and mother), children are more often resistant to this. This is for many reasons. One primary reason is that children have many growing pains and are looking to be met at their level concerning them. Unfortunately they do not always find this in their father, the authority figure, so they turn to peers. A father can earn the heart of his children by developing a personal relationship with each child. Discipline administered should be based on the father’s relationship to each individual family member. Forming relationships with children can be achieved through doing projects with each one. This is a good way for a father to open up and become “real” to each of his children.
Becoming the spiritual leader of the family is an achievable goal, for a homeschooling father. Saying that a homeschool father does not play a dominant role and does not participate in the everday schooling of his children is not only a myth, but also a short-sighted viewpoint concerning the role of the father in the homeschooling. Conversely, a lack of spiritual leadership in any one of the seven areas mentioned could cause 1) underachievement, 2) lack of self worth, 3) a variety of complicated reactions, 4) disrespect for parents and other family members, 5) feelings of rejection and a lack of trust, 6) failure, and 7) rejection of authority and out-right rebellion. To safeguard children from these errors is not only the reponsibility of a father, but a ministry and a genuine privilege.

SALEM, W.Va. — Daniel Staddon, a homeschooler from Harrison County, has never competed in a spelling bee. He’s never competed in a geography bee. But earlier this month he became the first-ever winner of the National Bible Bee - taking home a sizable trophy and $100,000.

Daniel discovered the bee while looking through a catalog last winter with his mother, Donna. They spotted a Bible study guide called “Balancing the Sword,” and noticed a blurb naming it the official study guide of the 2009 National Bible Bee. The paragraph also mentioned the bee’s $100,000 grand prize.

“I thought ‘Whoa,’” Donna said.

They ordered the study guide, and Daniel started to work. Because he turned 18 in 2009, it would be his only chance to compete.

The National Bible Bee had been in the works since 2005, after the death of 23-year-old Shelby Kennedy, a Texas woman who’d done extensive mission work in Haiti and Mexico. At Kennedy’s memorial service, speakers reveled her passion for scripture memorization, inspiring a member of the congregation to set up an endowment in her name.

“He had this idea, this vision that came to him that he wanted to launch a national Bible bee in her name,” said Mark Rasche, executive director of bee.

Rasche says children were already competing in spelling bees and geography bees, so “how much better to have the word of God memorized.”

In 2008, bee organizers put a plan together to launch. By spring of this year, the inaugural National Bible Bee was up and running with preliminary local bees scattered throughout the country.

Much like the Scripps National Spelling Bee, the National Bible Bee and its local competitions have written and oral segments. The written portion tests competitors’ Bible trivia expertise. During the oral portion, bee participants have to recite passages from the Bible verbatim.

Daniel says he preferred the written test, because he could concentrate better.

“With the oral rounds, you had to deal with nervousness and standing in front of a crowd,” he said.

But that’s not to say the written portion was easy. Contestants had just one hour to answer questions from six books of the Bible - Genesis, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel, Matthew, Acts and Romans.

“I find it was kind of hard to read what they asked - it was so fast,” Daniel said. “You just had to put your best answers and move on.”

Donna says she didn’t doubt her son’s ability to compete.

“I knew that he would be able to not be distracted by other things. If this is what he wanted to do it would be priority for him,” she said.

And the Staddons have a pretty good background in the subject matter. Donna said her family reads the Bible together every morning, and goes through the book of Proverbs every month.

“That’s wisdom, that’s how you teach your children wisdom,” she said.

Before the Bible Bee, Daniel says he’d read the Bible through three or four times. But in the last year, he’s gone from “In the beginning” to “Amen” twice.

Daniel says he memorized the three-chapter-long “Sermon on the Mount” when he was about 10 years old, and it took him a year. But even that didn’t prepare him for the rigor of Bible Bee preparation.

“We’ve all done a little bit of memory, but nothing like this,” Daniel said.

Bee organizers told contestants which scriptures they’d be asked to recite in April. Daniel ordered a pack of cards with the passages on them and started studying. He developed study strategies to get through the more daunting passages. Daniel found a Web site that recommended highlighting verses so the mind would associate words with colors. It worked.

“When they would say James 3, I’d think purple,” Daniel said.

He also drew pictures on the scripture cards to jar his memory and underlined tricky phrases where he might get confused.

Another Web site suggested guessing at passages. Daniel said he used to learn scripture phrase-by-phrase, building until he had it all down. But now, when he comes to the end of a phrase he doesn’t know, he just guesses about what will come next.

“After a while you can finish out whole lines,” Daniel said.

Competitors were allowed to memorize passages from any of five Bible translations - the New International Version, the King James Version, the New King James, the English Standard Version and the New American Standard Bible.

Rasche says most competitors favored the New International translation, because it had the most “contemporary language,” though the 400-year-old King James Version was also quite popular.

Daniel recited from the King James Bible, and says his reason for choosing the antiquated translation was simple.

“I’ve always grown up using the King James Version,” he said.

He says competitors’ choice of translation didn’t really matter (”It is all the word of God”), Daniel says using another version would have confused him, since he didn’t know the language as well.

On Sept. 12, Daniel competed in Bridgeport’s Bible Bee. He was the only competitor in his age class, but was still given the written test and all the oral recitation rounds. His results were sent to Bible Bee headquarters, where organizers compared his scores to those of bee contestants nationwide.

“We took the top 300 contestants from three age groups and invited them to nationals,” Rasche said. “They were competing against their peers nationally.”

After the local competition, Daniel says he didn’t think he made the cut. The family expected to hear something from the National Bible Bee within a couple days, but a week passed and there wasn’t any news.

Figuring his run was over, Daniel stopped studying so intensely and resumed his normal Bible study. Until he checked the Bible Bee’s Web site and found his name on a list of national competitors.

“I saw it first, and I couldn’t believe it,” Daniel said.

He let the rest of his family take a look, and when they saw his name too, Daniel says he knew it was for real.

“We all exploded,” he said.

Reality set in quickly, though. Daniel said he immediately thought “Wow, we have a lot of work to do.”

In the local competitions, senior-level participants only had three levels of passages to learn. The national competition added a fourth category - often whole chapters of the Bible.

“Dad said ‘Wow, this is more like seminary,’” Daniel said.

The National Bible Bee was Nov. 4 and 5 at the J.W. Marriott Hotel in Washington, D.C. That Thursday, the 100 contestants in each age class took a multiple-choice Bible knowledge test and competed in two oral recitation rounds. By the next day, the field was narrowed to just seven children in each class.

Daniel said the competition was nerve-wracking for everyone involved. On one of the early oral recitation rounds, he said he looked around at other contestants and thought, “Why are everyone’s knees shaking?” His knees were shaking too.

Things got even tenser when the senior-level competition wound up in a three-way tie. Even after a tie-breaker round, Rasche says no one faltered.

“There was nothing that could stump them,” Rasche said. “They were all three just incredibly qualified and really prepared to get to that level.”

Daniel finally clinched the title with Psalm 145, 331 words in 21 verses.

“It turned out to be the one I’d gone over the night before,” Staddon said.

But bee organizers didn’t tell anyone the results until the awards banquet.

“Well, it was nice to know that he was in the top three,” Donna said. “I knew he had a prize, whatever it was, and that was exciting.”

Daniel says he didn’t really get to enjoy his meal because presenters waited until the very end to announce the senior class winners. Eventually, though, they announced the third-place winner. It wasn’t him. Then they announced the second-place winner. That wasn’t him either. Daniel placed first - winning $100,00 and his first-ever trophy.

He’s crediting his victory to a higher power. He said there were too many “intangibles” in the competition to give himself all the praise.

“They could always ask the ones you don’t know,” Daniel said.

He also credits his success to his family, who constantly quizzed him and listened to hours and hours of scripture recitation.

“It definitely would not have been possible without their help,” he said.

And Daniel wasn’t lacking in help - the Staddons, who live in Salem, have eight children. In addition to Daniel, there’s Donald, 30, Michael, 28, Robert, 36, Esther, 23, James, 21, Jonathan, 16, and David, 13.

Now that the competition’s over, Daniel says he’s taking a break from hardcore scripture memorization but is trying to retain what he’s already learned.

“I’m trying to keep them up,” he said.

Daniel says there have been rumors about an adult division at future Bible Bees, but doesn’t think he’d want to participate.

“It was good for one year, but I think more that that would be too much,” he said.

As for the prize money, he still hasn’t figured out how to spend it.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about that,” Daniel said.

He says he might use it for furthering his education, a car, or on a house when the time comes. But Daniel’s quick to point out that he didn’t compete for money.

Though he says the $100,000 sparked his interest in the bee, even a sum that large isn’t enough to make someone study as hard as he did.

“There has to be a deeper reason if you’re going to put that much effort into it,” Daniel said.

He says “hiding God’s word in your heart” is completely different than reading the same words on ink and paper.

“When you memorize something, it goes to a new level. There’s something about getting it into your heart,” he said.

Countless teenage pregnancies and immoral behavior of all sorts including porn addiction find their roots in this terrible threat! Unchecked lying, stealing, deceit, poor work ethics, poor choices of marriage partners, and even failing school grades have their roots in PAD. While I am not normally an alarmist, I believe that this outbreak has, and can, ruin any family! We must take action today. We must be alert! We must resist the rampant spread of PAD.

PAD cannot be defeated with vitamins, exercise, or modern medicine. There is only one known cure, and while relatively easy to administer, it is strongly resisted by many. Often attempts are made to counter PAD with money, things, and busyness, but all prove futile in the end. There is however, one cure that is effective, and it is completely backed by the Creator.

What is PAD you may wonder? Parental Attention Disorder. When we as parents are too busy to invest in the lives of our children we release this horrid, terrible, disastrous, devastating, debilitating, dreadful, ruinous, catastrophic, generational influencing, (well you get the idea) life-long impacting disorder. Our family, our churches, and our nation suffer because of the choices we make as parents!

The cure is simple, but costly. We must rearrange the priorities of our life. The gift that God has given us in our children and grandchildren must be guarded and our time and oversight must increase in their lives. Do we know what they are thinking? Do we know whom they are playing with, and how they are playing? Do we know where they are? Do we know what they are listening to and watching on the computer and TV? How can we train them if we are not with them? How can we correct behavior that needs direction if we do not know what they are doing and how they are doing it? How can we pray for them with insight if we are not with them? We cannot and must not delegate this God-given task to others! While others can and do assist, the responsibility has been given to you as the parents from The Creator Himself!

PAD is lurking near your home…are you prepared to deal with it? The cure rests in parental action taken…and the sooner the better! The results of this disorder can be repaired, but action must take place ASAP! Act now to limit the outbreak and spread of this sickness! While there are no 100% guarantees that our children will always make the correct decisions, they stand a much better chance of success if we fight PAD daily! An involved and informed parent will help limit the impact of this dreaded disorder in our society.

This has been a public service message from one who has been fighting the results of this terrible disorder for the better part of his life…parents, be aware, and take action today to protect your family from PAD!

See: - Psalm 127:3-5, Proverbs 17:6, 22:6, 29:15, Ephesians 5:16, 6:4. Philippians 4:8, Hebrews 12:5-11 for directions to help combat PAD.

Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds. (Proverbs 27:23)

My wife and I have a small flock of goats. Well, in fact, we have three. One day I went up to the barn and saw that one of the goats had managed to become trapped in the area where we keep a hay bale for their eating pleasure. Her front leg was stuck, and she was screaming up a storm. As I helped her out, I wondered how long she had been in that twisted position. She could not help herself, and her sister certainly did not tell me. How long she was stuck I will never know, but I do know that the only way I found out was to go up to the barn! As parents, we are given a flock to shepherd. It may be small or large, but God expects us to take care of it for Him! At least part of that responsibility is to know what the little lambs are doing, and with whom they are doing it. How do you know that your children are acting as you wish if you are not observing their behavior and conversation? How do you know that they are being kind or sharing if you cannot see or hear them? “I do not need to watch them because they are with good kids,” protests the parent to me. How do you know they are good kids? Do you know how long it takes a good kid to become something less than good? While it may vary as to length of time, Proverbs state that a child left alone will eventually bring shame. How do you know if their legs are not stuck somewhere they ought not to be if you do not check on them? They could be crying for hours and their brothers or sisters may not tell you. Severe damage can happen quickly, so we must be aware. Parents must check on the flocks under their care, and they must do so often.

One of the young men in my church invited me to begin using Facebook on the Internet. I agreed and ventured out into the world of cyberspace as part of my responsibility as pastor to “know well the condition of my flock.” It has been both enjoyable and enlightening. I have since challenged the parents in my church to go out and visit their children’s pages. Do they know who their children’s friends are? Do they know what personal information is being revealed, and talked about, for the whole cyber world to see? Do they know the pictures that are out there, or the music groups their children love? If not, why not? Do the parents know who the children are texting or talking with in the multiple chat rooms that are available? Parents should know so they can assist their children to make godly decisions. Of course, it takes time; shepherding is a time consuming occupation. Parents often ask me in the midst of a crisis, “Where did I go wrong?” My response often is, “You let go too early.” About the time that parents should be more involved, they are taking their hands off and giving away too much freedom to children not ready for it. We would not dream of letting our children drive our brand new cars without instruction and supervision, but we let them navigate the Internet and make potentially dangerous friendships, often allowing them to become emotionally and even physically involved with the opposite sex long before they are trained.

Many debate over the age when parents should let go and I will not settle the debate here. A helpful principle is that as the child demonstrates maturity and the ability to handle freedom, the parent can give more freedom. Some children are mature beyond their years and others are not; a wise parent will know the difference. As far as I can tell, the Bible does not provide a specific age. Eighteen and twenty-one are ages that our society has deemed as sufficient, but scripturally, there are no such arbitrary lines. I prefer to deal with the concept of being under a parent’s authority rather than an age seemingly randomly selected by our secular society. Ideally, a daughter will be able to remain under her father’s authority until her daddy walks her down the aisle to her waiting groom on their wedding day. The same would be true for a son, except that he is the recipient, being given the bride by another father! Some will marry younger than others will, but that should be the parent’s decision, and not based on some random age picked out of thin air. As a child matures and demonstrates the ability to act responsibly, more freedom can and should be given.

It is perfectly natural for girls to be attracted to boys and boys to girls. This process begins somewhat earlier with the girls, but boys catch up soon enough. As our children moved through adolescence, we had many open and honest conversations about these normal desires and drives. If the parents do not discuss such things, where will the children get their information? From the government schools? The Internet? Friends that are the same age? TV or movies? Parents are the best, and, I believe, God-chosen resource to help their children grow and understand the sexual arena. This may be a stretch for some parents, but it is well worth the effort and discomfort you may experience to ensure that your children are well prepared to face the hormonal battle that will soon be upon them.

God designed the attraction between male and female, and parents are the proper resource to explain how best to channel that attraction until it can be righteously fulfilled. Boys need to be careful about stirring up emotions in girls and girls need to be aware of how they dress their temple of the Holy Spirit. One of my daughters is very affectionate and loves to hug and touch people as a sign of affection. We had to explain to her that touching a young man’s knee might not mean the same thing to her as it does to him, especially if he is lovesick! She needed to guard herself around young men and be aware of what she was doing in order to protect them. This same daughter wanted to wear a miniskirt. We asked her why she wanted to wear one and her reply was interesting. “The guys are all attracted to the girls that show more skin and I want them to like me, too,” was her explanation. We could not deny the fact that the young men did follow the young ladies around who were dressed in that way, but we encouraged our daughter to check her heart motives. “Is that really the type of man you want to marry? Do you want to chuck your values simply to get some guy to goggle over you?” Many such questions were asked and multiple conversations followed. She eventually saw our logic and agreed that it was more important to please God and her parents than some young man that she most likely would not end up marrying. For the record, I would not have allowed her to wear the skirt outside of her bedroom anyway, but I was more concerned about her motives than the clothing.

Underneath our choices rest multiple motives and we must understand and deal with these motives. Simply putting a bunch of rules in place without understanding motives can lead to legalism. In my opinion, many parents allow their children to become involved with the opposite sex excessively early. Relationships can become very passionate and emotionally binding at a young age, while, realistically, neither party is ready or able to marry. We attempted to acknowledge the attraction that our children may have developed toward someone, acknowledging that it was part of the normal developmental process, and then began to discuss what to do with it.

When children are pre-teen or early- to mid-teen, they cannot marry, and encouraging them in relationships with someone is setting them up for heartache and potential disaster. Parents need to be aware of what their sons or daughters are thinking, and with whom they are involved, even if only in their minds. Children need their parents to help them process the confusing emotions that they will inevitably face. We attempted to avoid the sexual problems associated with traditional dating by encouraging our children to wait until they were old enough to consider marriage before becoming involved in relationships. Dating and going steady often prepare someone better for divorce than for a life-long marital commitment. I believe it is wiser to wait until it can be righteously fulfilled before awakening love and sexual desire in our young people.

As a pastor, I do a significant amount of pre-marriage counseling and most young couples struggle with sexual desire for their soon-to-be spouses. This is natural and increases as the honeymoon approaches. The young people who have drawn clear lines on physical touching, and have practiced parental inclusion, are usually successful. The ones who do not protect themselves through parental involvement, and do not have clear lines drawn regarding physical contact, usually fail morally.

What are your children watching in their rooms or listening to on those headphones? Who is your child e-mailing or texting? When they go out at night, do you know where they are going, and with whom they are spending time? Do you have access to your child’s e-mail account or cell phone records? Do you know what websites your child has visited lately? Some may call this snooping; I call it being involved. If your child is resistant to your knowing, shouldn’t that bother you? What is there to hide anyway? Typically, things done under the cover of darkness and secrecy bring death and destruction. If your child were viewing pornography already, wouldn’t it be better to help him or her get over it now, instead of waiting until it is an addiction? Parents must be involved and active in order to assist their children in developing the necessary skills to survive in this lust-crazed world. The training must begin when children are young and be consistently applied as long as they are under their parents’ roofs.

Even with patient, consistent instruction, children can still make foolish choices; after they have grown up and left your home, however, they would be choosing against what they know, instead of simply making an uninformed choice. We must give our children a fighting chance to make it in this world, and it begins almost from the day they are born!

“Well, I agree with some of what you just wrote, but it sounds like it will take a lot of time,” you may be thinking. You are absolutely correct! Talking, the willingness to interfere, confrontation, the challenging of incorrect assumptions and what I call “intense fellowship,” are all part of an involved parent’s tasks. No one ever said that parenting was easy. To be effective, it involves a great deal of self-sacrifice and time on the parent’s part. The training of their children has been delegated to parents from the very hand of God, and we must be willing to invest ourselves completely in the task (See Deuteronomy 6). In the scripture, children are referred to, as “gifts,” and “fruit,” and we must take care of them with all diligence. Investing time in our children will not guarantee that they will never fail, but if they do fall, it will not be because we did not attempt to train them. Our efforts can help them get ready for the world they will face as they leave our home. We must prepare them. If we do not, who will?

Parents need to help their children understand from a young age what lust is and how to defeat it. We need to teach our sons the law of first glance, and train our daughters the proper way to handle their bodies around men. We need to instruct them about the proper role of sex inside of marriage, and not let them be trained by Hollywood or the Internet. As our children move into puberty, parents should be the ones discussing what is occurring in them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The task should not be left to some perverted producer of pornography or some other humanistic purveyor. Our sons will be exposed to an almost constant barrage of sensuality; are they ready? Will our daughters be part of the problem, or will they be part of a group that helps raise up a new standard of modesty and decency?

I sometimes marvel at fathers and husbands and wonder if they have forgotten what it is like to be male. Perhaps it is more complicated than that– maybe they are fearful of confrontation, but allowing their wives or daughters to dress sensually is foolish at best, and opening the door for immorality at worst. I wonder why some men do not look at their wives or daughters and place themselves in the mindset of other men. Do you really want other men’s eyes drawn to your wives’ or daughters’ cleavage, or skintight clothes highlighting their chests or rear ends? Are you secretly proud of how they look, perhaps wanting to show them off, and encouraging them to wear clothing that is excessively tight? If that is true, or even partially true, what kind of motive is that? Have you forgotten the struggles that you have with someone else’s wife or daughter? Perhaps it would be beneficial to take another look at what we allow or encourage and recheck our motives. Is purity our goal, or sensuality or pride? Are we comparing our styles and actions to the world’s system or to God’s Word? Are we adding to the degradation of our culture or attempting to present a higher standard? Only you can answer these questions for yourself, but your family desperately needs you to do it! The church needs you to do it, and our society needs you to take a second look and make sure holiness and modesty are the goals.

Changes come slowly, but perhaps they would take place more quickly if each family addressed these issues in addition to the organized church. If we addressed these issues, we would present a very clear difference to the world around us. Based on what is currently popular, there is very little difference between the Christian and the world. I hear men and women of God both young and old saying to and about each other, “You look hot!” or, “That is such a hot dress.” I wonder if the people who are saying such things are actually aware of what they sound like. Is the goal of a godly woman to be “hot”? What does that mean anyway? In my BC days (Before Christ), we used a numbering system of sorts, with ten being the best looking, and one being on the other end of the scale. What were we evaluating? The scale was really a lust meter and Christians have adopted it! When a husband tells his wife that she looks “hot” in the privacy of their home, that is one thing, but does he really want other men looking at what he alone is allowed to enjoy? The same would hold true with our daughters.

Have we adopted the world’s system of lust and embraced it so much that we do not even think about it anymore? Is there any connection between these issues and the skyrocketing divorce rate of Christians? What do we stir up in our wives if we encourage them to be seductive? What will happen if a wife is “hot” and ends up running off with some other man who enjoyed her “hotness”? Will we then be glad that we promoted this philosophy? What about the well-documented fact that the vast majority of young people cast off their parents’ faith, and many end up in immorality, shortly after they leave the home? Are there any connections? We must find the answer as parents if the church and family are to survive. We must be willing to go before the throne of the King and ask His opinion of such matters. I already know some of God’s views on such topics. Carefully consider the following verses and think about what our sensual world system promotes, and if we as believers in Jesus Christ should imitate that philosophy:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. (I Corinthians 2:12)

You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. (James 4:4)

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. (1 John 2:15–16)

Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God. (3 John 1:11)

We need to evaluate seriously our standards and desires in light of these verses. The world system stands in direct opposition to the Kingdom of God, and we must be careful not to imitate our enemy. We must train our children to recognize the world system and how it wants to dilute the Christian message. We can only serve one Lord, and it must be Jesus! We as parents must be involved with the lives of our children and help them navigate in the sexual realm. If you have been on the sidelines, it is time to get involved. Many have fallen into bondage and more will join them in our lifetime. Maybe you are one of them. One passage that constantly gives me hope is:

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. (Titus 3:3)

The “at one time” means they were no longer living for those things and the same should be true for all believers. What are we living for? What are our children doing right now?

Do you know how to go to heaven?

The bible tells the way It’s not through anything we could do,

we are all sinners gone astray

We cannot change ourselves,

our hearts are sinful and black

The bible says we’ve all gone our own way

and are totally off track

There is no way we could ever be

good enough, that we know for sure

So God in his great love and mercy

provided the perfect cure

He gave the perfect sacrifice

that could make our black heart white

It is the precious blood of Jesus,

who gave his life to make it right

Jesus shed his blood on Calvary

to wash us from our sin

He does all the changing of our heart

when we invite him in

Just put you faith in Christ

and trust in him alone

His dying on the cross paid it all

and did for all our sins atone

Jesus’ shed blood will wash your heart

and cleanse all sin away

You’ll receive the gift of eternal life

and in Heaven you will be someday

Just come to Jesus as you are,

it was for sinners his blood outpoured

Then you can rest assured you are forgiven

and he will be your Lord

Your name will be written down…

in the Lamb’s Book of Life…

and can never be crossed out

You’ll know you’re on your way to Heaven

and never again have to doubt

but sinners to repent

When he left heaven to come to earth

that was his sole intent

It’s not the people who are whole

but those sick who need a physician

Jesus came to save sinners

That’s why he gave the great commission

He told us to go into the all the world

and preach the gospel to every creature

Jesus came to the world to save sinners,

not just to be a good teacher

He died on the cross for all the sins of the world

that those who would on him believe

and trust his shed blood for remission of sin

would his free gift of salvation receive

To receive this wonderful gift of eternal life,

you only need to look to Jesus and live

He has already paid your sin debt

and is ready and willing to forgive

Jesus loves you so much that he suffered and bled and died

If you’ve never asked him to be your savior,

then today is the day to decide

Jesus died, was buried, and rose again the third day

to save you from going to hell

That is the gospel story

the greatest story ever to tell

You only need to trust Jesus with your heart

and ask him to be your savior

He’ll forgive you of all your sin and write your name in heaven

and give you abundant life and so much more

The cat.

She purrs and rubs against him all cute. Underneath all that fur, you’d swear she’s wearing a negligee. Green with jealousy feeling totally foolish, you’re not sure if you want to shoot the cat or him. You even feel tempted to get down on all four’s and meow.

How do you get your husband to make you his first priority?

You’ve tried everything; none of the old techniques work.

Make-up doesn’t work. Getting your hair fixed doesn’t work. Meeting him in saran wrap at the door is out of the question; the last time you tried that, you greeted the wrong person.

So, what do you do when the cat comes first?

Study him. What makes him tick?

According to one authority, there are some things that hold true straight across the board about men. Dr. Laura Schlessinger in “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ” asserts “I’ve never gotten a complaint from a male listener in twenty-five years on the radio over my assertion that men are very simple creatures.”

So, say it’s true. Men are nothing but simple. Not simple-minded, just uncomplicated.

What is there about that darn cat anyway?

What mysteries lurk behind her unblinking green eyes as she gazes intently at him? As she sashays toward her food dish, stops and looks adoringly at him, he jumps to meet her unspoken request.

By now, you’re definitely not sure if you want to strangle him or the cat. Jealousy has turned you into a green-eyed monster. There’s nothing mysterious about what’s behind your eyes!

But do you remember the anger that smoldered in his eyes the last time he noticed your jealousy? Did you read any “trapped” feelings in his expression as he tried to meet your expectations? You could demand your rightful place in his life, but wouldn’t it be much better to invite the same loving responses from him as he spontaneously shows toward the cat?

John Gottman, P.H.D., after studying two thousand couples for over two decades and “can predict with ninety-four percent accuracy who will stay married and who won’t”, wrote in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.” three key words that agreed with the spirit of Dr. Schlessinger’s book: “Confront him gently.”

So, you contemplate to yourself the descriptive words that come to mind so far: gentle, mysterious, sashay, and ask.

In your annoyed stated of mind, you wonder. Is inviting his loving responses toward me something I do or is it something I am? What is the difference between the cat and me? Do I have to become a femme fetale in order to get his attention, be something I am not?

Could God help me? Does He even care?

As I write this article, I remember an incident in my marriage when I’d felt unloved, unappreciated. That day I stood by the sink up to my elbows in soapsuds and half-prayed, half-fumed having my own pity-party. Mysteriously at that same moment, my husband came up behind me to wrap his arms around me and told me he loved me. “Coincidence!” I said to myself, feeling guilty that God caught me being petty, let alone would be so quick on the draw to help me.

Then I thought, “he never sings to me anymore…” My husband went into the living room, picked up his guitar, and sang to me. Shocked, surprised and embarrassed at my own lack of faith, I realized how involved and committed to my marriage the Lord was. He’d stepped in and spoken to my husband; I never had to say a word!

Up to that point, I’d never understood how God expected my husband to understand what was on my mind if I didn’t tell him. When God told we women to “win him (our husbands) over…without a word by the imperishable qualities of a gentle and quiet spirit, part of me rebelled. I think I see now how the very behaviors that my cat knows innately to do are the very actions that I feel least like doing, but are key to getting my needs as a woman met, and for bringing out the best in my husband toward me.

The missing link and key to overcoming my fear, doubt and pushing was God. Marriage is really a three-way relationship with God! If I include God in the mix first, then somehow it releases Him to be involved more intimately! It’s worth a try. It may take longer, but the anticipated results are better than the tug-of-war relationship I have with my husband now!

Cat, watch out!