Whether a father realizes it or not, all eyes in his family are continually upon him. As with kings, whether their kingdom agrees with them or not, their subjects’ eyes are continually watching to see what they do next. With boys, their inward desire is to be either like or not like their father, but either way, they continually watch him to strive for that goal. With girls, their desire is to be loved by their father, though they don’t always show this outwardly. So, the time that the father is at home, no matter how brief, is the time when children observe and acquire certain parts of their behavior from him.

In this crucial yet brief period of time, the father establishes his role as the spiritual leader of his home. He must strive to acquire at least the following seven skills, with God’s grace, to achieve effective spiritual leadership of his family.

One: A father must demonstrate contentment. That is, he must periodicaly take a break from urging his family to do better and just enjoy their accomplishments. Otherwise, a father that always expects more runs the risk of his family becoming discouraged and thinking that they can never do enough to please him. They will just stop trying. One case in point here is the father who tries to live vicariously through his son and pushes him to be a star player at soccor matches instead of using the sport to take advantage of its more redeeming lessons of goodsportsmenship, teamwork, fellowship, humility, and those things that are truly more important than being in the spotlight or winning.

Two: A father must humble himself. He must be aware of his capability to fail and must continually revisit when he has done so. This process can be used as a vital tool to keep from being critical of family members. He must show appreciation for his family. He must be quick to admit when he is wrong. This can be accomplished by remembering past failures and allows a father to view his childrens’ failures against that backdrop. This demonstrates to his family, perhaps more than any other way, both his need for them and his lack of pride in himself. It is important to remember, once again, that all the childrens’ eyes are upon the father.

Three: A father must learn to control his tongue and emotions. Harsh words do irrepairable damage to family members. They are like cancer and produce a growing variety of complicated reactions to a father’s spiritual leadership. It takes days, months, years to build a trusting realtionship and friendship with our cxhildren that will compete with their peers, however, this can be broken in an instant by a father who does not learn to control his tongue and emotions.

Four: A father must show good manners by meeting his family’s needs before his own. A father’s manners, or lack of them, will greatly influence the family’s behavior toward each other. I have seen the good effect, in both my family and others, where the mother directs an ill-mannered child to look at his father for appropriate behavior at the dinner table or elsewhere. Good manners and courteousness, when practiced by a father, tend to permeate through the whole family. One example might be for the father to open doors for the mother. Do this and witness how your children, both boys and girls, will play these roles in a like manner.

Five: A father must learn to accept each person in his family as he or she is. He must realize that each child grows and develops at his or her own rate. It would be non-productive to bring peer pressure on a child by comparing him or her to another – even a brother or sister. The standard by which you measure your children must be one that fits within the design and purpose of each individual child. God created each child, even before they were in the womb, for His own special purpose. The achievements they make must be measured then, not against other children, but rather against the design God has planted in them to do His good purpose. You can rest assured that God is growing each one in proportion to His design, and even though we cannot always see it, the work is being done. He will finish it in His own time.

Six: A father must learn to recognize a person’s worth and potential by finding each family member’s strong and weak points. He must emphasize the strong points and strengthen the weak points through training. He must be committed to the success of each member of his family and to God’s reputation. He must give his children the sense that they will be loved, whether they have done right or wrong. A father must realize that one time or another in their life his children will fail him, however, he must do all he can to prevent it. One way is to praise Godly character instead of just accomplishments.

Seven: A father must earn the right to be heard and not demand it of his family. Whereas, it is commanded by God for them to honor their father (and mother), children are more often resistant to this. This is for many reasons. One primary reason is that children have many growing pains and are looking to be met at their level concerning them. Unfortunately they do not always find this in their father, the authority figure, so they turn to peers. A father can earn the heart of his children by developing a personal relationship with each child. Discipline administered should be based on the father’s relationship to each individual family member. Forming relationships with children can be achieved through doing projects with each one. This is a good way for a father to open up and become “real” to each of his children.
Becoming the spiritual leader of the family is an achievable goal, for a homeschooling father. Saying that a homeschool father does not play a dominant role and does not participate in the everday schooling of his children is not only a myth, but also a short-sighted viewpoint concerning the role of the father in the homeschooling. Conversely, a lack of spiritual leadership in any one of the seven areas mentioned could cause 1) underachievement, 2) lack of self worth, 3) a variety of complicated reactions, 4) disrespect for parents and other family members, 5) feelings of rejection and a lack of trust, 6) failure, and 7) rejection of authority and out-right rebellion. To safeguard children from these errors is not only the reponsibility of a father, but a ministry and a genuine privilege.